In Which Ghastly Eats Valkyrie
by Atukam Furno
Summary: Valkyrie is shrunk down the size of a pea and Ghastly makes the mistake of eating her!
1. Chapter 1 - The Baseball

Desmond had done it. He had built the worlds first working electromagnetic shrink ray. Except he really didn't want to. He was trying to find a new way to make shoes smell less. And a shrink ray was a failure. He left it in the attic. To gather dust. Like all the other electromagnetic shrink rays he accidentally made.

Elsewhere in the Edgely household, Valkyrie was playing with Alison. All seemed normal.  
"Ally, where's your blue bear toy? You know, the one that looks like a bear and is blue?"  
"Gooble."  
"The attic? What is it doing there?"  
Alison did not answer, because babies could not talk. She just looked at Valkyrie with those big baby eyes...  
"Fine. I'll go get it."  
Alison smiled.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the backgarden of Crystal and Carol Edgley, Crystal and Carol were playing baseball. Crystal was tossing the ball at Carol's feet, and Carol was swinging like she was a ballet dancer. So another words, the twins weren't playing baseball very well.

A young boy with unfortunate ears called Jasper happened to be walking outside. He loved baseball. And he heard Crystal and Carol bickering over who was the best baseball playing.  
"Baseball?!" he jumped, holding onto his ears to prevent a parachute effect. He leapt the ten foot tall fence in excitement and glowed when he saw the mint baseball and bat.  
"Can I play?!" he asked ecstatically, being all cute and adorable.  
Now Crystal and Carol are normally mean, but being mean to a small boy with unfortunate ears is just plain mean. So they'd never do it. Even if they were really mean, and they did say something mean to him, Jasper would use his true powers and end up playing baseball with their skulls as baseballs and limbs as bats.  
But Crystal and Carol were nice, and said...  
"Sure thing!"

After two hours of Crystal tossing the ball at Jasper's feet, he decided to say something.  
"Could you, uh, oh never mind," he blushed cutely.  
"Do you want me to throw it a little higher?" Crystal asked, smiling friendly and causing a few daisies to die.  
"Yes, please, miss-ush," Jasper said with a blush and awkward leg twirl.  
"Naww, I told you, you don't have to call me that."  
"Okay, miss-ush."  
Crystal smiled at Jasper's adorableness and tossed the ball. It was perfect. So perfect Carol dropped her chips and looked on in awe.  
Jasper swung, and hit the ball, sending it rocketing into the distance with a comet tail behind it. If they were playing Mario Golf, the voice over man would have said "Nice shot!"  
Crystal's and Carol's jaws dropped to a new low.

* * *

Valkyrie was rummaging around the attic. She has a gas mask on so she didn't inhale all the dust that was us there.  
"Der's noddamn dlue-ear up dleer!" she shouted, not making much sense from inside the gas mask. She removed it for the benefit of the readers.  
"There's no damn blue bear up here!" she repeated.  
Just at the moment after the awkward silence that came from Valkyrie repeating something to herself, a baseball smashed through the small attic window and ricocheted everywhere. It landed on the button of the only working electromagnetic shrink ray. It whirred and clicked, and was inconveniently aimed at Valkyrie.  
"Oh dear," Valkyrie managed to say, before being shrunk down to the size of a pea.


	2. Chapter 2 - The Garbage

Valkyrie walked around. There really was a lot of dust here. A lot. It was like a snowy afternoon outside, except the snow was dust and she was inside. Worst of all, there were bugs. Just the occasional cockroach, that thought Valkyrie was of no interested at all, but bugs nonetheless. And Valkyrie _hated_bugs.

But bugs were the least of Valkyrie's worries. There were also rodents up here, in the attic. And rodents loved the taste of freshly shrunk meat. But Valkyrie didn't encounter any rodents. That would be too unfortunate and end the story right here.

So instead, Valkyrie decided to freak out. When one is the size of a pea, a giant floor covered with dust and filled with cockroaches and rodents is scary. So Valkyrie was freaking out. Running. Running towards a large hole in the attic that someone the size of a pea could fall into unknowingly because of all the dust.

And then Valkyrie fell into the pea-sized hole in the attic.

Allison noticed Valkyrie had gone missing for ten minutes. She didn't really mind. She had a doll of Edward Cullen, who just met a doll of Chuck Norris. To save a lot of gore, the doll of Edward Cullen was now being used as a coat and hat for Chuck Norris.

Just as Allison was about to get bored, a pea-sized Valkyrie landed in front of her.  
"Vaaa!" she squealed excitedly, proceeding to pick up Valkyrie and chew on her head. But she didn't. The title does not allow it.

Allison missed her mouth, and sent Valkyrie flying behind her, landing in a heap across the room.  
"Oof. It's Tuesday," Valkyrie remembered. Which meant it was garbage day. It also meant Melissa and Desmond were doing last minute cleaning, to rid their hose of dust.

As Valkyrie rubbed the back of her neck in pain, Melissa swept her up, humming a happy song. The one from the Smurfs movie. She placed her pea-sized daughter into the trash bag, ignoring the high pitch squeals coming from the dust.

* * *

Ghastly was garbage man. He received a B+ on an assessment peace as an Elder. If you asked Ghastly, it was a load of Vile Excrement.

In his annoyance, Ghastly reached the Edgley's house. Crystal and Carol had their own garbage bins, much to Ghastly's further annoyance. That made a total of three bins he had to haul into the back of the truck for one house. What a terrible life.

* * *

Valkyrie had a terrible journey. She was thrown around in a garbage bag with dust, dust, and a machine that makes ice cream out of everything. The latter being another failed experiment by Desmond.

As Valkyrie continued her terrible journey, Ghastly came closer to the Edgley's house. He was just a few houses away when her trip finally ended. Unluckily, she was now in the bin Ghastly was about to pick.

Somehow, Valkyrie made it to the surface. She saw Ghastly's glum face, and smiled.  
"Hey Ghastly! Hey! Help me, Ghastly! Help!" she shouted. She was sure he had heard her.

But he hadn't. He picked up the bin and was ready to throw it into the truck. With Valkyrie on top, screaming at the top of her lungs.


	3. Chapter 3 - The Trip

Valkyrie's high pitch squeals benefited her nothing. She was soon short of breath, and filled with garbage odour. Desmond threw out a lot of old socks. Smelly old socks that were probably mouldy. Despite the hardships, however, Valkyrie devised a plan. She had a small window of opportunity. About the size of a doggy-door, to be precise.

Then Valkyrie jumped.

She landed perfectly into Ghastly's front pocket, forming a V-shape as she flew through the air. She concluded that if anyone saw her, she'd receive praise and applause. Especially _him_. He'd say something witty. Blushing, Valkyrie worked her way so she could see out of Ghastly's pocket.

To Valkyrie's utter surprise, Ghastly was back at the place garbage trucks live. The dump, or something. Valkyrie didn't actually know where garbage trucks went. She knew they had a heaven, but she didn't know where they lived. She thought it was strange.

Ghastly had left the truck, said goodbye to his fellow workmate Anton Shudder, and was headed towards the Batmobile. He waved goodbye to Batman as he spun his tyres and drove off, revealing Ghastly's red 1981 Mustang. Ghastly jumped into his car, causing Valkyrie to almost vomit. She remembered the smell Desmond's socks had, and did vomit, making the bottom of Ghastly's pocket gooey. Ghastly took no notice.

As Ghastly turned the keys in the ignition, the motor engine exploded, making Ghastly jump back. Which in turn make Valkyrie jump. Which in turn made more vomit slosh around in Ghastly pocket. Unfortunately, being a garbage man, Ghastly knew nothing about car engines. So he left his car, and walked home grumpily.

* * *

Soon, Ghastly was past halfway. Which was about 30 metres away from the home of the garbage trucks. To Ghastly absolute horror and demise, a huge black three headed dog jumped in front of him. Ghastly hated dogs. Not as much as Ravel, who was a postman, but Ghastly hated dogs quite a lot. Running back the way he came, flailing his hands in air, Ghastly screamed like a terrified little girl. The three headed dog followed.

The dog was actually attracted to the scent of Valkyrie, who smelt like dogfood flavoured ice-cream (thanks to Desmond's invention!), but Ghastly didn't know this. Valkyrie did. And was screaming in the same pitch as Ghastly, which was really, really high. If she was bigger, and not safely in Ghastly's pocket, she'd be running too.

They ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran. For about 200 words. Then a strange, powerful voice that sounds like Gary Oak spoke:  
"Fluffy?! Here Fluffy! I've got a sacrifice for you!" said a smiling Andro Zeus.

Luckily for Ghastly and Valkyrie, Fluffly loved sacrifices. So he ran off back to his master. To make things worse, Ghastly was now more than 30 metres away from the halfway point. To make things even more worse, it started to rain. It was good that Valkyrie no longerhad to hang out with her vomit, but bad that the rest of Ghastly's shirt now had to wear it.

Somehow lightening the mood, Ghastly's phone rang with this tune. Ghastly chuckled.

"Hello Ghastly?" said the caller, in a voice that sounded like Dexter Vex.  
"Hey there, Dex," Ghastly said glumly.  
"We still cool for tonight?"  
"Sure thing. :)"  
"Great! I'll see you there. You me at six?"  
"You know it. :)"  
And then Ghastly hung up, a smile on his face.

Valkyrie then realised what just happened. Ghastly had just confirmed his bromance date with Dexter Vex. And Valkyrie was going to have to tag along. She swallowed some vomit in a gasp and a gulp.


	4. Chapter 4 - The Risotto

Dexter was sitting on Ghastly's couch, flipping his lucky coin. He worked at a bank, and had a lucky coin. The time was 7:10PM, which meant his date with Ghastly was one hour and ten minutes into it. Except there was no sign of Ghastly, despite it being his apartment. Which was strange, because Dexter didn't have keys to Ghastly's apartment yet.

Getting worried, Dexter got out his phone, pressing number 1. It was, without doubt, Ghastly's number. It rang three times. Four. Five. Seven. Ten.

Nothing.

Dexter listened hollowly to his and Ghastly's recording for his voicemail message box.  
"Hey there, Ghasts," he said into phone worriedly. "It's me, Dexter. I was just a little worried about you, 'cause it's past six and you're not here. ... So, uh ... call me back yeah? Or just show up shirtless or something. That would make things better." Slowly, Dexter press the red button on his phone, turning it off instead of ending the call. He huffed in worry.

* * *

Elsewhere, in the rain and the same place they were last chapter, Ghastly and Valkyrie were sitting in the gutter.

"Darn. Darn. Darn. Darnity darn. Darn. Darn," Ghastly swore violently, making the few still listening sewer rats cover their children's ears. He got up, wondering as to why he was sitting in the gutter.

Then his phone rang, which was rather water-logged, considering two months had passed since the last chapter. Flailing around in his pockets aimlessly, Ghastly at last found his phone, only to hear it go to voicemail. He cried a little. Then walked home sadly.

Exactly three paces later, Ghastly's phone buzzed, resulting in him yelping girlishly and dropping it. The concrete footpath was cracked a little from the impact. Ghastly leaned over to pick it up, resulting in Valkyrie holding onto a wet thread in his pocket, annoyed that she has only been mentioned twice so far.

After Ghastly heard Dexter's message, he began to jog home, happier than before and wondering how he forgot that he had a date. Valkyrie sloshed around in his shirt unhappily. Speaking of shirts, Ghastly removed his, crunching it into a ball and putting it into his pocket nicely. Valkyrie didn't enjoy the mouthful of rain and sweat she got.

Finally reaching his own house, a drenched shirtless Ghastly and a pocket-sized puking Valkyrie stood at the door. Ghastly knocked once, and the door burst open, a tearful Dexter crashing into Ghastly with a hug.

"Ghasts!" he sobbed, his salty tears flowing into Ghastly's pocket and Valkyrie's mouth. "I thought you were..." he began, ending with sobbing.

"I'm fine," Ghastly said, patting his head. "Let's go inside. It's cold out here without a shirt on."

* * *

Comfortably inside and dried off, Ghastly began cooking something nice for Dexter. He knew he enjoyed a mean risotto. And Ghastly could cook a rather mean risotto.

Valkyrie peeped from his pocket, only escaping the death trap of vomit, sweat, tears, and rain water-soaked shirt. It was something Valkyrie never wanted to experience again, but she was glad she did at least once. She was a YOLO type of person.

Moving right along, Ghastly reached for the lemon juice, which was inconveniently placed really high up so Ghastly would knock it over if he reached for it. Which he did. He bent over, being shirtless and eagerly watched by an excited Dexter, and picked it up. But this time, Valkyrie was not so lucky, and she fell. Right into the bottle of lemon juice.

Then Ghastly poured two drinks, adding too many ice cubes to each beverage. Valkyrie almost drowned as she slipped into a glass unnoticed as Ghastly turned to wink sexily at Dexter, who winked back.

When the risotto was done, and Dexter and Ghastly were seated at a small coffee table opposite each other, Valkyrie finally managed to keep her head above water, finding a fused piece of ice that wasn't melting too quickly.

"Cheers, Dex," Ghastly smiled, lifting his glass to Dexter's. Valkyrie fell off the piece of ice and had a nice gulp of lemon juice. Or rather, a very sour and not nice gulp of lemon juice.

Going in for a sip of lemon juice, Ghastly moved his glass towards his open mouth. Valkyrie screamed and flailed to no prevail, with the chapter ending just as the glass touched Ghastly's mouth as he stared lustfully into Dexter's eyes in a fic that's not actually about Ghaxter.


	5. Chapter 5 - The Shrew

Valkyrie saw her chance. She had to make a jump for it. And she did. Narrowly missing being thrown into Ghastly's mouth. She did a pretty good duck and roll, ducking and rolling out of the glass and diving towards the soft landing of risotto.

But Ghastly's risotto was anything but a soft landing. Valkyrie plummeted head first into the mixture, being completely swallowed up by the mixture that clearly had too many eggs. _Are there even meant to be eggs in risotto?_ thought Valkyrie, gulping in a large piece of un-cooked yolk.

Before Valkyrie's life long pondering could be answered, Ghastly's fork lifted up the risotto as a whole. It was surprising well stuck together despite the large amount of raw eggs present.

Soon Valkyrie realised that Ghastly had lifted everything on his plate in one go. Everything. Like he was in an eating contest. Valkyrie thought such things were disgusting. But not as disgusting as a mouthful of raw egg in a risotto that taste worse than Ghastly's sweat.

The next few moments of Valkyrie's unfortunate life was a blur. Teeth. Risotto. Teeth. Risotto. Chewing gum. Teeth. Risotto. Raw egg. Fur. Hair. An insect that had five legs and three wings. Risotto. Teeth. And finally, that thing that hangs down from the back of your throat. Or rather Ghastly's throat.

Valkyrie flew down Ghastly's oesophagus, encased in risotto like she was wearing think box-like armour that completely covered her to form a box. She slid down deeper into Ghastly's digestive system until finally reaching his stomach.

Valkyrie managed to survive the fall, having acid eat away at the top of the risotto armour so she could escape. She stood on her sinking risotto box and looked around. There was no light so such an action was pointless.

Suddenly, there was light. Making such an action have a point. Valkyrie hissed at the light, then slowly lowered her arms and remembered she didn't sparkle.

Blinking in the light, Valkyire's eyes finally adjusted. She saw a shrew holding a match, floating on a piece of toast. When it realised Valkyrie had noticed it, the shrew squeaked, jumping back and swinging the match violently. The shrew dropped the match into Ghastly's stomach acid, making the light go out. Valkyrie heard the shrew say "Oh my! I have seemed to drop the match."

She didn't buy it. She had seen puppet shows before, and this was a good one. With a new match, the shrew looked at Valkyrie, who looked back wondering why on earth she thought it was a puppet.

"Hello?" the shrew squeaked. "My name is Ilia and welcome to my clubhouse."


End file.
